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This Author's Life Thursday

Sex, Power, Feminism and the New Adult Heroine (Part 2)

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I ended last week’s This Author’s Life #Thursday with this question:

So how does that increased sexual assurance translate into a twenty-first century feminism and female and empowerment?

And now it’s time to talk about it.

I’ve been a feminist all of my life, though that ideology has taken a variety of forms, and some purists might argue that I’ve deviated from the path now and then. However, in the strictest sense of the word–that feminism is all about advocating for and believing in the rights and abilities of women–I’ve always been a feminist. I believe women have the ability to do whatever they desire.

However, while I know that women and men should be treated equally, it doesn’t necessarily mean the same. While I know that I can hold a job, lead a government or fight in a battle, I still want to have doors held for me. I still want a man to treat me like a lady, and I am more than happy to treat him like a gentleman. Equality does not negate gender roles.

In 2015, we pay nice lip service to equality. There is a still a gender gap in wages, and there still exists some sense that women cannot be responsible or strong as men. We’ve passed laws to make changes, but laws don’t change hearts and minds.

Women who are strong and take charge are still thought as bitchy, while men who do the same are admired.

Women whose comfort with their sexuality might lead to multiple partners are considered sluts, while men who sleep with multiple women are called studs.

Let’s stop and consider this: if we persist in this way of thinking, we are not only slowing the evolution of women’s rights, we are in effect creating a class of women who can never be anything but so-called sluts. If we allow that men having multiple sex partners is okay–but the same is not true for women–there must be a group of women having sex with the studs whom society will shame and deride.

Do you see the level of unfairness here?

How does this, any of this, relate to books and writing? Well, I believe strongly that how we depict people in fiction has an enormous impact on how we view and related to them in real life. So when we only create characters who make ‘good’ sexual choices and reward them accordingly within the story, we’re saying that’s what we expect of girls outside literature. When we choose to punish characters who make what society might consider questionable sexual choices–through consequence or simply by portraying them as less than desirable–we’re saying that women can only expect those same results in real life.

Let’s take the book I’ve been talking about all week, Sarina Bowen’s The Shameless Hour. If you haven’t read it and you don’t want to be spoiled, please stop now. I can’t delve into this topic without talking about specifics.

We all good? Spoilers are okay?

Bella is a character who, it is clear from the beginning, has made sexual choices that are very different from those we usually see in our heroines. Bella likes sex. She has a lot of it. She’s friendly and tactile with her friends on the hockey team, and she’s mistrusted and not liked by other girls. Bella doesn’t have girl friends.

When she meets Rafe, he’s just been dumped by his girlfriend on the night they were slated to have sex for the first time, both of them virgins. Bella comforts Rafe, and then, as it’s second nature to her, she has sex with him, not knowing that this is his first experience.

Rafe’s guilt for sleeping with a girl he doesn’t know well and for indulging in what he sees as casual sex makes him leave in the middle of the night and avoid Bella for weeks. Bella, for her part, feels the rebuff as judgment on Rafe’s part. It hurts, even though she doesn’t regret her actions.

She does end up regretting a night with a football player not long thereafter, because the jerk gives her chlamydia. When she goes to tell him, so that he can be treated, too, he drugs her drink and with his frat brothers, writes horrible and derisive words on her body, takes pictures and puts them up on a website.

Now Bella is broken. She’s alone, devastated that this could happen to her. Rafe comes to her aid, and over the course of the next months, he helps her to recover both mentally and emotionally, with the help of a new friend–Bella’s first female pal.

What’s different about this book is that we are on the side of the shamed female. We’re not seeing this story through the eyes of the hockey player’s girlfriend, the ‘good’ girl who hates the slutty team manager. We see Bella as a real, whole person, not a caricature. And Rafe, in all his undoubted masculinity, is this time in the role we so often see saved for girls: he wants sex to mean something. He wants a relationship with Bella, not just casual fun. He’s willing to wait and deny himself in order to have that. It’s a nice change to see a man portrayed with such feeling.

Bella is a strong, powerful character. Part of that strength is her sexuality and her comfort with it. I feel that Joss in Undeniable is the same, and even Meghan from The Last One. I’m happy that we’re seeing more of these women populating our books.

Until we’re ready to accept strong sexualized females in our favorite stories, we won’t be able to accept them in our society.

And now I’m climbing off my soap box. Next week we’ll talk about something far more frivolous and not at all weighty. I promise.

This Author's Life Thursday

Sex, Power, Feminism and the New Adult Heroine (Part 1)

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Now is that a blog title or what?

srong-woman-meme2

This might seem a little weighty for a Thursday morning, but it’s been on my mind for a while, and I think it’s worth talking about.

When the New Adult genre first began to emerge a few years back, there was considerable confusion in both the author and reader worlds about what defined this type of book. Was it age of characters? Age of readers? A specific type of situation? Or, as some began to insinuate, was it the enormous amount of sex happening in these NA romances?

The answers have been slow to come out. Most of us agree that NA means the main characters are post-high school and pre-30. That’s a fairly wide gap, so we might further define it via situation: the characters are usually either in college, just out of college or in a situation (job or otherwise) happening in place of college. Age of readers is immaterial; as in YA, the readership for New Adult romance spans from pre-teen (yikes) to senior citizenship. As for situation, most of these books showcase characters in transition, either physical, academic, emotional or relational.

Sex? Yeah. Most–not all–NA tends to feature a lot of that.

But for me, it’s not the amount of sex in an NA book that’s intriguing. It’s how the sex is handled. I’ve discovered that in my favorite stories, the female leads have one thing in common: a healthy sexual attitude and appetite. Thinking about that led me to another line of questioning: why is it that until recently, a healthy attitude about sex in a female lead who was under 30 and/or unmarried usually signified a character flaw in that woman? We were okay with the heroine fawning over the hero’s eyes or voice or his take-charge attitude, but most of the time, she wasn’t checking out his other, ah, assets. On the other hand, they male leads were all about the curves in their love-interests; it was perfectly okay for the hero to exhibit obvious signs of sexual interest in the girl, but rarely did we see likewise from the women. Her heart might pound, or she might feel butterflies in her stomach, but we didn’t delve too far into what was going on in other body parts.

And most of these books also faded to black during love scenes. The only female characters with overt interest in the bedroom activities were the ‘bad’ girls, and you knew damn well those gals weren’t getting the guy–he was reserved for the dewey-eyed good girl.

I’m happy to see that changing. Nowadays, we’re seeing female leads who take charge of their own choices, including sexually. They’re comfortable with their bodies and with finding pleasure. Most are mature in their decisions, being both responsible and sensible.

Now, I’ll say right here that I’m not coming out as an advocate for premarital sex or suggesting that the choices made in books are necessarily right for all girls. The only one who can make a good decision for a young woman is that young woman, hopefully with the guidance and counsel of her mother or other wise relatives/friends.

My point is that books are now offering a wider option of role models. There’s no longer only the virgin or the slut; New adult has opened the door to the advent of the sexually-confident and responsible female. While we can find these women in a growing number of wonderful books, I’ll spotlight a few that have impressed me recently.

Sarina Bowen’s The Ivy Years series is a terrific example of healthy sexuality, explored in a matter-of-fact setting. If you’re a fan of NA romance, you really must read these books. My favorite is probably the one I just finished, The Shameless Hour, in which the female lead is unabashedly sexual and sexually active. Over the course of the book, she experiences numerous attempts by others to change this in her, and how she deals with it was extremely well-done.

My own journey as an author of NA romance has been a learning experience. When I began writing, I wrote young adult books, and I was happy not to have to tackle the sex topic. I’ve been married to the same man since I was 20; we’d been dating since I was 17. I have three daughters, and I wanted to write a story that they could read (and even though they’re older, two of them don’t read books with sex!). I had no doubt that Tasmyn and Michael would wait until they married, and that decision worked for them . . . until we came to Restless and Rafe got in on the action–figuratively speaking. Rafe is probably one of my most sexual characters, and for him, being with Tasmyn and sensing her reluctance to touch him was a blow. Tasmyn’s experience with Rafe played into her relationship with Michael in Endless, where both of them are tempted to take their physical bond to the next level. Of course, they don’t, because these are YA books.

Best Served Cold was my first NA romance. I struggled with the right balance for Julia; she was undeniably attracted to Jesse and they did have a sexual element to their relationship, but it wasn’t actually consummated until the end of the book, mostly because Julia had been burned by Liam. Through flashbacks, though, we learn that their sex life was probably the healthiest aspect of Liam and Julia’s relationship.

But it was probably the process of writing Undeniable that opened my eyes. Joss, Rafe’s love interest in that book, was an unknown quantity for me at the start. I knew what her role was, but I didn’t really know her. Once I began writing the story, suddenly Joss blossomed into a main character whose assertiveness and independence helped shape the plot line. She was the perfect foil for Rafe, the hot guy who’d just spent a summer sleeping with a different woman every night in his attempt to forget Tasmyn. And Joss was also a nice difference from Cathryn, who presents herself as aloof and almost cold (although those of us who’ve read Stardust on the Sea know differently!).  Joss is comfortable in her sexuality. She knows she can enjoy Rafe without being in love with him, though maybe this doesn’t quite work out the way she’d planned.

Writing Joss was so freeing for me as an author that it changed my subsequent NA romances. Joss made way for Ava, who lusted openly for Liam even when she was wracked with guilt–it wasn’t a sexual guilt. And Meghan is clearly comfortable with her own desire; she makes no secret of her feelings for Sam, even when he can’t handle it yet.

Writing Flynn and Ali’s story was especially fun, because through the flashbacks, we get to see them discover each other. Their honesty and frankness helped them in the future, when they needed that re-established connection. And even Rilla, as protected and innocent as she is, responds eagerly to Mason.

So how does that increased sexual assurance translate into a twenty-first century feminism and female and empowerment?

Come back next week and we’ll talk about that.

 

This Author's Life Thursday

#ToTheGirls

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strong womenSometimes life hands you exactly what you need. Sometimes. If you wait it out.

My This Author’s Life post is one of my favorite to write each week. It’s wide open, and I can talk to y’all about anything I want. But this week, inspiration was pretty scarce. I’ve been so deep in writing and in getting ready for events that I hardly had any life to write about.

And then this morning the awesome Cora Carmack posted about this fabulous #ToTheGirls campaign. And there was today’s post.

I’ve been a feminist forever. I was raised by strong women in the company of women, I have three strong daughters and I believe in the power and the uniqueness of womanhood. I don’t say we’re better, but I’ll be danged if we ain’t just as good (that was an Oklahoma! riff right there, in case you didn’t know it.)

If you haven’t read about this campaign, start here. Author Courtney Summers started this trend, saying on her blog, “Take the opportunity to tell the girls you know — and the ones you don’t — that they are seen, heard and loved. Share advice. Be encouraging. Tell us about or thank the girls in your life who have made a difference in yours.”

So what would my tweets be? Here are a few going out today.

#ToTheGirls Be fearless. You are stronger than the world says you are.

#ToTheGirls You can love and be loved without being the damsel in distress.

#ToTheGirls Never underestimate the power of your heart. The world needs it.

So go forth and tweet your best words. Tag me so I can see.

This one’s for the girls.

This Author's Life Thursday

Oh, Behave

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As I’ve said in earlier posts, the indie community is small and sometimes a little incestuous. There are rarely six degrees of separation; most authors’ friends lists intersect with all the others, and word spreads fast.

So whenever there’s an instance of an author Behaving Badly, it doesn’t take long for the story to get around. And I know it’s a shocker, but sometimes the facts get lost along the way.

I don’t claim to have it all together. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else out there. But I was raised right, by parents and grandparents who made sure I knew what was what. And although I’m nearing the end of my fifth decade and all of those wonderful people have moved on to a better world, I still know better. Most of the time.

its-time-to-stop-postingI know, for instance, that when I’m in public at an event, representing my profession and my books and my branding, I need to Behave. I smile no matter what, and when people say outrageous things, I do my best to nod and keep smiling. When I’m tired and ready to go hide in my room, I really try to pull out some extra energy and keep on keeping on. I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve been less than outgoing; I’m not an extravert, and I have to force it.

When others make different choices, when we feel as though Bad Behavior is encroaching on our own rights, we might be tempted to vent. Some of us might want to vent on social media. This, dear ones, is not a good idea. Vent to your mother, your sister, your husband, your therapist. But spouting off on social media, no matter how justified you feel it might be, is Not Cool. And it won’t lead to resolution; it will lead to more Bad Behavior and to people taking sides and to nastiness all around. Don’t do it.

But if someone does decide to vent on social media, don’t respond. Be the Bigger Person. Hide the complainer, unfriend her, turn off your computer and your phone or do whatever you must do, but avoid engaging.

I’ve heard the excuses. I’ve heard authors claim that readers “deserve to know” about an author or an event or another reader. Dear ones, they really don’t. They don’t deserve to know, because it doesn’t affect them. A bitchy author who writes excellent books doesn’t need you to bring her down. Karma will do it. Or not, but it doesn’t matter to you. Move on and in the immortal words of Taylor Swift. . .Shake It Off.

Call me Pollyanna or say that I’m wearing rose-colored-glasses, but I promise, life is much nicer when you step away from the drama. When you close the computer, turn off the phone and just say no to posting something negative. Focus on the positive; talk about the wonderful sweet and helpful authors out there, the ones who cheer on their compatriots. Tell your readers about how fabulous the event you attended was.

Or in the words of Austin Powers. . .oh, behave.APimages

This Author's Life Thursday

An Eventful Year (Part 2)

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Last week, I talked a little about what it’s like going to author/reader events as a reader, along with some tips for making the most of the experience. This week, I want to talk about it from the other side of the table.

What are events like from an author’s point of view?

First, I have to recommend this really excellent post by Delilah Dawson. She does a great job of talking about why you may find authors difficult to interact with at events. (That’s my nice way of saying it; Delilah lays it on the line.)

Each of us has a different plan for our schedule and for how many events we attend. Last year, for instance, my year began in early February, and with the exception of April, when I was home, I was at a con about every other weekend until the end of May, and then again in August and10605450_10152421412689145_601366583_o September. It was a lot; in fact, it was almost too much. I was exhausted to the point of tear by May.

This year, as I said last week, I’m a little more spread out from February to mid-August. (Click here for an exact schedule.) I’m hoping it will be less stress on me and more fun for everyone.

Let’s talk about events: the author POV.

Preparation for a con begins months, sometimes even a year, ahead of time. We determine if this event will be a good fit for us, and we commit to a table. We may volunteer to donate swag, books for a charity giveaway, sponsor a party or some other element of the weekend and offer to sit on panels (if they’re available).

And then we promote. We share with our readers where we’re going to be. We offer incentives to come see us. We participate in the reader/author groups (one per event) and we put banners on our pages and we cheerlead–a lot.

As the time comes for the author event, we have to plan our swag offerings, how many books to bring, what else we want on our table, whether or not to bring a banner and any other piece of plan-ahead minutia. We check the agenda to see what kind of clothes to wear. We check the weather to see whether we need a coat. We check the hotel to see if it has a pool.

The closer it gets, the more excited we become. Writing can be a lonely business, and some of us get positively giddy at the thought of hanging with our favorite author buddies! The idea of chatting with people who speak our peculiar and particular language. . .it’s fabulous. We plan meet-ups and hang-outs, because from this vantage point, the weekend seems full of opportunity, and sitting at home, our energy levels are high.

For a lot of us, though, once we arrive at the venue, things can change. The stresses of travel, getting checked in to a hotel and to the event, finding where we’re supposed to be, hauling alllll our stuff to our rooms. . .well, it’s tiring. And when we see crowds of people doing the same thing, we may just want to crawl into that beautiful hotel bed and hide.

Some of us, some of won’t. Some of us will be at every party, and some of us will convince ourselves that the parties and other meet-ups are for other authors, not people like us. But we’ll show up at every place where we’re specifically committed: panels, signings, meet and greets, blogger events. . .because we’ve said we’d be there. Even if we’re fatigued beyond the telling, we’ll slap on a smile and go.

For those authors who are dipping their toes into the event pool this year–and for those who feel they’re still figuring it all out–here are some tips I’ve picked up from my own experience and from some of my friends. Take it for what it’s worth.

–Don’t over commit yourself. Ten events in ten different cities may seem like a good and workable plan now, as you sit at your desk, but unless you’re twenty-two, have a personal staff and a private plane, it’ll do you in. Plan the events that are reasonable, with enough recovery time in-between.

–If you commit to an event, do promote it. The planners can only do so much, and it behooves everyone to get involved in publicity. Share all the info, push ticket sales, encourage your readers to come. If you can, give away some tickets. Tell readers why they’ll enjoy it.

–Be participatory and responsive in the months leading up to the event. I’ve been next to authors who’ve sniffily said they were too good to join the author-only groups for an event. Guess what? Those authors missed out on vital information that would’ve made the day more successful. You’re only hurting yourself and the event by not jumping in.

–Don’t spam the event reader groups. It’s fine to introduce yourself and share info about your books, but maybe once or twice in the months leading up to the event. You don’t want to turn people off before they’ve met you.

–Get to know other authors. Often, in the author-only groups, you’ll find you have things in common with other attending authors. It’s cool to make friends ahead of time. You might even want to make plans to meet that person once you get there, especially if you don’t know anyone else.

–Ask questions–but limit them to the event. It’s fine to ask how many books to bring, where’s the best spot to get a margarita in the host city, or who could take delivery of your books before the weekend. It’s great to post for a roommate, a ride from the airport or ask who wants to meet for dinner one night. It’s not okay to ask other authors to critique your books, offer a review sentence or help you choose a cover.

–Stay at the venue hotel. The planners have a room block, and they need to fill it. Help out.

–Allow plenty of time to get to the event. Don’t stress yourself and the planners by arriving at the last minute. Have a ride from the airport.

–Plan to participate in as many of the weekend activities as possible. This is for your benefit and for the planners. Don’t disappoint anyone by hiding in your room the whole time.

–At the same time, pace yourself. If you’re like me, signings and meet and greets can be exhausting. Try to give yourself a 30 minute break between these commitments so that you can refresh and recharge.

–Dress professionally. You don’t have to wear a business suit, but jeans and sneakers probably don’t cut it. You can be comfortable and still look put-together. This is your business. Treat it that way.

–Act professionally. Readers might like your wild and crazy personality on line, but in person, you need to keep things toned down. You can be yourself one-on-one, if you know a reader, but on panels, at signings and at meet and greets, limit profanity. I don’t care how dirty your books are; this is business, and no matter what, you will offend someone.

–Don’t get drunk in public. Now, does this sound like a no-brainer? And yet. . .for a lot of us, we combine events with vacations. This is our time away, and we might want to cut loose. Don’t do where you can embarrass yourself and your readers.

–Make the effort to reach out. When you’re at a signing or a meet and greet, look people in the eye, shake their hands and introduce yourself. Ask about them. Make conversation.

–Wear your name tag. I don’t care how well known you are, not everyone will recognize you. At RT last year, I stepped back to let a lady pass me. I didn’t recognize her. I happened to see her name tag and gasped. . .it was Charlaine Harris. As in, Sookie Stackhouse. I love her books, but I wouldn’t have known her if I hadn’t seen her name tag. Wear yours and help everyone out.

–At the signing: have the most copies of your first in series and your most recent release. Those will be your biggest sellers, most likely. Display your books as attractively as you can. I’ve found that a rack of books is intimidating to people, but single books, displayed at the front, draw readers in.

–Have something else at your table that attracts attention. Last year, I began having balloons at my table. It was great for visibility and made me a draw to moms wandering with small children. Candy is also a big hit.

–Hand out something. Whether it’s a swag back, small non-paper swag or goodie bags, having something to give everyone who comes past your table gets you on your feet and interacting with readers. I’ve yet to meet the person who will turn down a goodie bag.

–If you have a newsletter, have a sign up sheet on your table or a tablet where readers can sign up. Great way to build your list.

–Don’t have too much at your table. Your books, some swag and maybe one signature piece. . .you don’t want it to look junky.

–Be engaged. Believe me, I understand how easy it is to sit at your table while people wander past, checking your messages or playing solitaire on your phone. Don’t do it. Smile, catch eyes and engage.

–Not everyone will stop at your table. Don’t take it personally. There are readers who come to see one author only, and they won’t let themselves even meet another new one. Most readers aren’t like that. Don’t sweat those who are.

–When readers do stop, if they don’t know you, tell them why they should read your books. Give them a link to your freebies. Put a paperback in their hands and suggest they read the back. Ask what they like to read, and tell them how your books fit into that. Tell them where they can find you online.

–Get good sleep while you’re away. Don’t stay up too late.

–Eat well. You need your energy, and it turns out peanut M&M’s and chips and dip won’t cut it all weekend.

–Stay hydrated. Bottled water is your friend.

–Have your pain reliever of choice on hand: you may get a headache. Also have mints and hand sanitizer. Just saying.

–If you can do it, have help. Bring an assistant, a friend, or an older kid. They’ll help you unpack, re-pack and haul alllll your stuff back and forth. You’ll need that help.

–Talk to the authors near you. Check out their books. Offer to trade a book for one of theirs. Exchange cards. When a reader comes up and mentions she enjoys the genre the author at the next table writes, introduce them. It’s called being gracious.

–At some point during the weekend, step out of your comfort zone and introduce yourself to authors you’ve never met.

–Try to go to panels, even if you’re not on them. It’s classy.

Oh, my goodness, I could keep going. We may need a Part 3. But you get the picture. Remember all those manners your mama taught you? Use them. Be kind, be polite, be classy. Open doors, hold elevators, compliment others. Oh, and take pictures, so you can share the weekend with all your readers who couldn’t be there. When they see what fun they’ve missed, they may make the effort to come to the next event.